My Best Qualities

The other morning, Levi was watching his usual round of morning cartoons beginning with "It's a Big Big World." I was in and out of the room and half listening to what was being said on the television when all of the sudden this particular dialogue made my ears perk up. One of the characters asked another "what are you doing?" and the response was "Just making my morning list of my best qualities."

At first I chuckled to myself, thinking that that was SO silly. But the more I thought about it...

How awesome would that be to wake up and make a list every morning of your best qualities?! That would set a great tone for my day, personally. Not that I have time to actually sit down and do that. I gotta hit the floor running with the two kids. But, mentally, I think I'm going to begin starting my day with a little personal self esteem booster.

I'll let you all know how it goes for me.

Thursday Thirteen

I stole this idea from Mindi who stole it from someone else who I'm sure stole it from someone else.

Today's Thursday Thirteen will be....

Thirteen Places (Inside the U.S. and out) that I've traveled to:
1. Yellowstone National Park
2. Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
3. Disney World – Orlando, Florida
4. Victoria, Canada
5. Juarez, Mexico - I went here my freshman year of college on band tour with Oklahoma Christian University
6. Carlsbad Caverns, New Mexico
7. Scotland
8. England - pretty much all over the entire country. London, Stonehenge, Bath, Oxford, Cambridge, etc. etc.
9. Paris, France
10. Stuttgart, Germany - I was also born here.
11. Brussels, Belgium
12. Mount Rushmore, South Dakota
13. New Orleans, Louisiana - my brother and his wife, Stephanie, lived in New Orleans.


One of the many perks of growing up a "military brat" I suppose.

Of Legos and Things

Just wanted to share with everyone what I found today while cleaning up toys in the living room.

Seems Levi is quite the Lego artist at the ripe young age of two.

When I asked him what it was (already knowing) he said that it was an airplane to fly in and that he had made it for me.

I'm such a special mom!!!

Oh... and the second picture is a hammer. Levi has been gong around the house fixing things for me today with his hammer.

Is Your Refridgerator Running?

So this afternoon at lunchtime I go to get the State Fair frozen corndogs out of the freezer for the kids for lunch. I open the freezer to find that everything inside had completely defrosted and was warm. So, I check the fridge. same story... warm food.
Frustrated, I call the landlord. I tell them that when I open the fridge the light comes on, but that nothing is running and all of my food has gone bad. and yes, I paid my bill. So, they say they'll send someone out.
In the meantime I call my dad in England. I told him that I knew there was nothing he could do, but that I just needed to vent. He says to me "Becky, have you checked the settings inside the fridge? To make sure no little hands have been messing with dials?"
um..... no. in my frustration, hadn't thought about that.
So, I check inside the fridge at the settings which are right at the front and easily accessible, and sure enough... they were turned to off.
*glares at Levi*
A special thank you goes to Jimmy John's for delivering lunch since all of our food has gone bad.
*sigh*
"... and when you pray, pray for strength to help you carry on when the troubles come your way."

Dream Big

Music Video:DREAM BIG (by Ryan Shupe)

Music Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

Dream Big

Second blog for today. Go back and read my other one if you haven't yet.

Just felt like posting the lyrics to a song that I can't stop listening to right now.

it's called Dream Big. By Ryan Shupe.

(Ryan Shupe & The Rubberband)



When you cry, be sure to dry your eyes,'Cause better days are sure to come.And when you smile, be sure to smile wide,And don't let them know that they have won.And when you walk, walk with pride, And don't show the hurt inside,Because the pain sill soon be gone.



(Chorus)And when you dream, dream big,As big as the ocean, blue.'Cause when you dream it might come true.But when you dream, dream big.



And when you laugh, be sure to laugh out loud,'Cause it will carry all your cares away. And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself,And it will help you feel okay. And when you pray, pray for strength to help to carry on,But when the troubles come your way.



(Chorus)And when you dream, dream big,As big as the ocean, blue.'Cause when you dream it might come true.But when you dream, dream big. (Dream big.)(Dream big.)



When you cry be sure to dry your eyes, cause better days are sure to come.And when you smile be sure to smile wide, and don't let them know that they have one.And when you laugh be sure to laugh out loud,'Cause it will carry all your cares away. And when you see, see the beauty allaround and in yourself, and it will help you feel okay. And when you pray, pray for strength to help to carry on when the troubles come your way.

Destiny

Here we are again. Another Thursday. Another morning at Take T.W.O. Except for this morning, unlike last week, I was more than ready to jump up out of bed and get to Woodcrest. Even if I DID only get four hours of sleep. Normally I would think that maybe my commitment to greeting people at the door as part of set-up today is what got me to Woodcrest on time. But, honestly, even if I hadn't had that commitment... my heart wanted to be there. No, scratch that, my heart NEEDED to be there. So, off we went for another uplifting morning in the fellowship of some wonderful women! I mean..... seriously.

This mornings opener was about lonliness and being lonely. A few women got up and publicly told their stories of their seasons of lonliness and then in small group we were asked to talk if we felt like we could relate. Lord knows I can relate to being lonely. But you know what? Now is (surprisingly) not my season. *gasp!*

When I was in England.... THERE I was lonely. I didn't have my friends around me. I didn't have a car to get out of the house if I wanted to. I had a new baby. I was unsure of who I was or what I was doing. I had JUST (unexpectedly) gotten out of a five year marriage. I was 100% bonafide LONELY. But now, almost a year later (Feb 26th 2006 was the day I flew to England) I feel happy again. I have a great church family. I have awesome friends. I (now) have a great opportunity to fellowship with women in the body of Christ on Thursday mornings. I've got two kids to keep me busy. Hey... maybe that's it. Maybe I just don't have the CHANCE to be lonely. ha! Hmmm. In England I had all the time in the world to sit around and wallow in my self pity. I can't do that here. Here, I've had to put my big girl panties on, pull myself up by the bootstraps, and get on with life. But, still... I don't feel lonely....

...usually.

*sigh*

I have to admit that when the kids are in bed and I have my ME time at night I do start to feel a little lonely. When I don't have someone to talk to and wind down my day with. No one to snuggle with at night... then I feel lonely.

and then....

in typical God fashion...

*enter chapter two of Captivating stage left*

This week's chapter in the book we are studying was awesome. I FELT IT on SO many levels. "The desire of a woman's heart and the realities of a woman's life seem an ocean apart." (pg. 21)

Did you know that when God created Eve he called her an ezer kenegdo? "It is not good for man to be alone, I shall make him [an ezer kenegdo]"

wait for it....

Did you also know... "The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. And in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperatly." (pg. 31)

wow!

continuing...

"Most of the contexts are life and death, by the way, and God is your only hope. Your ezer. If he is not there beside you... you are dead. A better translation therefore of ezer would be 'lifesaver.' Kenegdo means alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart. You see... the life God calls us to is not a safe life.... God calls us to a life involving frequent risks and many dangers. Why else would we need him to be our ezer? You don't need a lifesaver if your mission is to be a couch potato. You need an ezer when your life is in constant danger."

Hi, God... it's me again. Becky

So, in small group today the discussion leader asked us a question from the Captivating Guided Journal...

"Have you ever thought of your struggles and longings as pointing to something great you are designed to be?"

I have to say that I ALWAYS think this. I can't imagine having a God that would allow me to go through the struggles I've been through WITHOUT something good coming of it. Only, I always seem to think along the lines of wondering if my struggles and longings are pointing to something great that SOMEONE else is supposed to be. You know?

going back to my pregnancy with my daughter....

It sort of became my mantra that this HAD to be an awesome kid I was carrying. I just KNEW that he/she (remember I didn't know the sex) HAD to have some AWESOME purpose in life. Otherwise I don't know why God would allow me to conceive (unexpectedly) and things turn out the way they did. So, Audrey, my dear.... Mama's got great expectations for you! ;)

I don't know though, how my struggles and longings are pointing at something great that I am supposed to be. But.... don't you know.... that it's always when you are NOT looking for something, that it smacks you in the face. So, I'm sure to find out some day. Maybe not anytime soon. But someday. And, I'm cool with that.

So.... welcome along on my ride guys!!!

Buckle in though. I'm a crazy driver! ;)

It'snow fun!!

I hate this snow!!!

I think I might actually go crazy if it snows one.more.time!!!!!!!!!!

I had an appointment today. I needed to go to the post office today.

what am I doing? I'm stuck at my house with two fussy kids and a brain shattering headache.

so fat today I've called my impossible-to-get-in-touch-with lawyer., I've paid bills, and I'm smack in the middle of organizing the kids closet. My friend Mindi gave me two huge bags full of her daughters old clothes to borrow. So, to return the favor, I pulled down the bins I have with Levi's old digs and have been going through the ones that Mindi's son could wear now. It's daunting!!!

I think I'll go lay down. Auds is taking a nap. Maybe Levi will take a hint from the sleeping girls in this house?

hope you all have a great snow day.

Friday's Feast

Feast One Hundred & Thirty

Appetizer: Have you been sick yet this winter? If so, what did you come down with? I was miserably sick with a cold right at Christmas time. We traveled to France, Germany and Belgium and I didn't have a voice the entire time. It stank.

Soup: What colors dominate your closet? Black and Brown. I think this is pretty typical of women across the board though. a.) these colors go with anything b.) they are slimming

Salad: How would you describe your personal "comfort zone"? Oooh. good question. My comfort zone includes being able to hang out with someone without reminding myself every five seconds to suck in my fat, or check my teeth in the mirror, or without worrying if my hair is perfect or if I smell.

Main Course: On which reality show would you really like to be a contestant? OOh OOh.... Top Designer. Hands down.

Dessert: Which holiday would you consider to be your favorite? Christmas. I love the parties, the giving and the excitement of being at home with my family for a few days. ( I ditto Amy's answer exactly)

The Friday Feast is a weekly meme intended to "feed your mind by asking thought-provoking, mind-stimulating questions."

Captivating (a.k.a. You And Me, Kid)

I started going to a ladies bible study this morning at a church here in town. It's not held at the church I regularly attend but I know several people that attend the study (including others from the church I go to). I have to be honest and say that this morning it was very tempting to stay in bed, but I knew in my heart that if I didn't go, I'd only regret it, and so something in me got up out of my comfy warm bed, and got me to that bible study this morning and I can full heartedly say that I'm absolutely 100% glad that I went. I don't want to sound cheesy or like a Hallmark card... but I almost feel like my life has changed just because of my decision to go to the bible study this morning. It was exactly what I needed for my life right now. First, we all meet as one large group and then break up into separate smaller studies. The study I've decided to participate in is based on the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. John Eldredge is the author of the bestseller book for men, "Wild At Heart." Today in group we discussed when, in our lives as women, we had that moment where we felt totally empowered and liberated as a woman. Some people have been given the precious gift (sometimes more than once) of having this feeling. Usually it's brought on by some big life moment. Other times it can be a quiet moment alone when it just hits you. But for me... this was my moment... a little over a year ago, my husband of five years returned home from a year tour in Iraq and told me on the night that he got home that he wanted a divorce. I was devastated. Five days later, I found out that he had been having an affair in Iraq. The devestation continued. Aside from the fact that we had a one year old together, I was also 4 months pregnant with our second child that had been conceived while he was home on his two weeks of R&R. At the time, I didn't know what sex the baby was and for some reason, I decided to keep it that way. Looking back, I realize that I was in pretty big denial. At the time I told myself that I wasn't finding out because after all of the bad that I'd gone through I wanted a good surprise to look forward to. I remember vividly writing in my diary my thoughts and concerns regarding the unborn child I was carrying. I cried many tears on the shoulder of my best friend admitting to her that I didn't know if I could love the baby that I was carrying. I was too afraid that it might come out looking like it's father and that I wouldn't want to have anything to do with it. i was worried that looking at the baby might remind me of my ex husband and all of the hurt that he caused our family. I was nervous and scared to death to be a single parent of not just ONE child... but TWO. I remember once, going into my OB's office and being tested for STD's. The humiliation! But, after finding out what my husband had been doing in Iraq, I needed to know if I had been in danger of contacting anything that he might have gotten because I needed to know if my unborn baby was in danger. I can not even tell how many times while I was pregnant I had to fill out some sort of paperwork and list on there that I didn't have a spouse. I felt like if people didn't know my story then they were automatically judging me. Thinking that I was just some knocked up irresponsible woman. It broke me. And, even though it wasn't the baby's fault, I just didn't know if I could love the child I was carrying. I was hurt. I was sad. I was ANGRY. I was confused. fast forward... April 8th (my due date) came and went. I was hugely pregnant, absolutely miserable and living in a foreign country with my parents. A week past my due date, April 14th, I had a regularly scheduled appointment. I showed up at 10:00 that morning prepared to be sent back to the hotel we were staying at near the American Air Force base while we waited for my baby to make his/her appearance. At my appointment I think I made it clear enough to the doctor on duty that I was miserable and past due so they offered to break my waters. This was really happening. The thing that I was most UNready for was about to happen. I could have declined the offer to break my water, but that would have only meant that i was delaying the inevitable and would have remained miserably pregnant for longer. And for what? Just because I wasn't ready to have the baby that I was sure I couldn't love? So at 11:00 on the dot, the nurse broke my water. It took a while for me to start having contractions. My mom was in the room with me. She was excited. Well, at least I think she was. Looking back, I think she was just as scared as I was, but put on a happy face so that I wouldn't know any better. From 11:00 until Noon when I started going into active labor with heavy contractions, I had plenty of time to think about what was getting ready to happen. I was having this baby come hell or high water. This child... this innocent, pure, little human being who had done nothing wrong and only deserved all of the love that it could get was coming into the world to mess of a mom and an unfair, complicated future. I had decided beforehand that I was going to have an unmedicated birth. I don't know what came over me, I just had decided to myself that after everything else I had been through regarding my husbands affair and the separation... that I was strong. I had survived. And so to top that off, I was going to take it one step further and have an unmedicated birth. HEAR ME ROAR. so at noon my contractions began and at 1:44 pm my little girl was born into this world. I remember hearing the nurse say "well, it's a girl!" and my mom squealed. I laid my head back onto my pillow and didn't know what to say or do. They handed her to me still covered in gunk and I held her to my chest and looked her in the eyes and silently apologized for my shortcomings and begged her to love me anyway. But there was no joy in my heart. I was happy, don't get me wrong. I was glad to have had an uncomplicated, unmedicated birth to a very healthy child. I was happy. But I was not filled with joy. I was many emotions. Joy was not one of them. and that was my moment. THE moment that I've most felt alive as a woman. I did something that I never imagined I would have had the strength to do.




My parents were watching my son for me at the hotel... so that night it was just me and my new baby in the hospital. No one to talk to. No husband to love on the baby with me. That was the hardest part for me, honestly. I was alone with this new baby. I had trouble naming the baby. I would try one name after another not thinking that any one name suited her. In the quiet dark hours of the night all I wanted to do was sleep everything away. I remember the first night a nurse came and got her and let me get a few hours of sleep. I wept and slept.




fast forward nine months... my baby girl is nine months old and WALKING. I look at her and she brings SO much pride and joy to my life. I nuzzle my nose into her hair and take a whiff of her baby smell and I hug her tight to me and I just love her more than the world and I can not ever imagine my life without her. And I feel guilty that I ever once upon a time thought that I couldn't love the baby that I was carrying. What the heck was I thinking? She brings me such joy! Not happiness.... pure JOY. Sometimes we sit in the rocking chair together and I rock her and think "you and me, kid. You and me." we did it. oh... and her name... it means Strong and Noble. How fitting, huh?

New Blog

After three days of not being able to log into my blogspot... but seeing that friends of mine could log into theirs... I finally just decided enough is enough with that stupid blog and it is with a saddened heart that I leave that one and start a new one.

Or is it?

Fresh start?

anywho...

I've got a new blog. weeeeeeee.