Been thinking lately about discipline.
This may be a controversial blog for some of you to read, depending on your views of discipline, so I'll just put it out there that I spank my child and now it's up to you if you want to continue reading the rest of this blog. fair?
And now, I just have to decide how I actually want to start this blog. Hmmm.
ok, here goes...
Before Levi could talk verbally, I had taught him sign language. He was required to sign "please" and "thank you" at the appropriate times until he could learn how to speak them. At 8 months old, if Levi touched something that I had already told him once not to touch, I swatted his hand. He learned from this and wouldn't touch it again. I had no problems with him. I didn't have to childproof my house or worry about what he would get into because he KNEW what would happen. I had an obedient child. People didn't hesitate to invite us over or cringe when we showed up somewhere. It was expected that my child was going to behave, or he was going to be punished. period. the end.
I need to interject here and say that I've been raising Levi alone since he was 6 months old and my (now ex) husband left for Iraq.
that first year of raising him alone was.... well, not EASY... but easIER for me. I could do it alone because I (thought that I) knew that at the end of it all, I would have my partner to help and that it wouldn't always be just me. I never expected that one year of raising Levi alone would turn into now two and a half years going on however many years I'm intended to do this alone.
*sigh*
it's hard!
well, after the whole shock of the horrible homecoming I really got leniant (sp?) in my discipline with Levi. For one, I felt like he was having to deal with SO MUCH already with all of the confusion and dealing with me in my pregnant, hormonal, emotional state that it wasn't... i dunno... fair? And for two, I just had SO MUCH going on that discipline all of the sudden became not so important.
And I guess I let that go on for too long and now I'm finding myself trying to play catch up. Now, I've got this totally rambunctious two year old. and yes, I know two year olds are rambunctious... but golly he's SO whiney sometimes and before I would not have put up with that. But now he's learned that he can get away with crap like dramatically falling to the floor if he doesn't get his way. and it's driving me nuts.
anyway...
this weekend my best friends brother was in town and while he was here Levi did his dramatic fall to the floor and whine routine. John, knows that I'm a spanker. We've had conversations before about how not enough people these days still spank their kids. Well, Levi did his attention getting act and I tried to ignore it when John says to me "oh no. I'd spank that bottom." And at first it really threw me off that he said that and I said to him "are you trying to tell me how to parent my child?" and he said "uh yeah. Just then I was." (which also threw me!) THEN... to top it off he goes "I'll do it for ya!" and I at this point started thinking THE NERVE!
BUT....
The more I thought about it the more it didn't bother me that he had said that. No, I didn't let him spank Levi. But I got to thinking that sometimes it really DOES take a village to raise a child. And, I appreciate it when people jump in and help.
A couple of weeks ago I went to lunch with Amy and after lunch Levi started to run out into the parking lot and she said something to him in a foreful tone of voice and then caught herself and apologized to me. But... it didn't bother me. A stranger off of the street trying to boss my kid, yeah, that would bother me. But not people that I know and love. I appreciate their support in trying to help me raise a good boy.
*shrug*
I watched a comedy routine recently by Sinbad and in part of it he was talking about back in the day when if you did something wrong, you'd get whooped by all the neighbors on the way home so that by the time you actually got home you already couldn't sit. People were comfortable letting their friends and family help in the disciplining of their children.
where is all of this going?
well... this week in the book I'm reading for my study (
Captivating), we were forced to think about how our own upbringings have shaped us into who we are today. We looked at what kind of parents we had as kids and we looked at what kind of parent we, ourselves, were being.
There is a sentence in the book that reads "when my sons were young and got hurt, their dad would say something encouraging like, "cool wound." I would hold them close and tend their injuries."
This is something that I struggle with daily. Being BOTH mom AND dad is extremely difficult and I don't know that I've gotten a comfortable grasp on it yet. On the one hand, I don't want to raise a sissy boy, so when he falls and gets a little scrape part of me says "shake it off, you're tough." and not make a big deal of it, but my insides... my motherly instincts are yearning at the same time to run to him and coo over him and kiss his boo boo and love on him and make everything ok.
where is the happy medium?!?
In the class we are being required to ask ourselves the question "am I lovely?"
*deep breath in*
I honestly can say that I don't ever think that I've felt lovely.
I grew up a tom boy. I had an older brother and did things like shoot bb guns, and fish, and I even owned a bow and arrows. I rode the four wheelers and I went swimmin in the nastiest places and jumped off of bluffs into dangerous waters.
In high school I was 25 pounds lighter than I am now and I vividly remember my mom saying to me once "you could be a model if you would just lose some weight." that stuck with me! It gave me a bad self image.
then I got married to a guy who I thought adored me and thought I was lovely. turns out he had a pretty major addiction to pornography and any woman knows that's the last thing she needs to feel lovely... a husband who gets satisfaction looking at perfect big chested women. Didn't help that he ended up having an affair in the long run either.
and now...
now I'm supposed to be the mom... the lady of the house. I'm supposed to dress my little girl in pinks and treat her like a princess, but at the same time I'm having to act like I think the frog that Levi found out front is SOOOO cool.
lovely?
not so much
*deep breath out*
(I feel like I had more to say in this blog but after stopping to re-read what i've written so far a million times, I'm emotionally exhausted and need to just sign out for the day.)
P.S. -- some of my blogs are forcing myself to look deeper into who I am than I have in the past and it's a big deal for me to "put it out there" so if you read these blogs please at least sign your name. thanks
